Just me again

I was two months pregnant. Now I'm not. I am just me again. Experiencing a loss like this is a strange thing. For starters, it was never suppose to happen to me. I have a hard enough time getting pregnant, but once I finally get pregnant it sticks. I'm not suppose to have a miscarriage. In a time like this, Everyone worries about you. They wonder how you are doing. If you say you are okay, people think you are lying or not being real. But really I am okay. I'm not great, just okay. Sure I have those moments, when I realize I won't need new family photos next summer or that I don't have to make a new stocking to hang at Christmas or when I know two sister in laws will have a baby at the same time I was suppose to. That is when I am not okay. But for the most part, I am. I hadn't even had time to adjust to the idea of a new baby. I was comfortable, my life was comfortable. Now my comfortable life can stay that way. I don't want comfortable anymore. Friends and family are so caring, they want me to talk so that they want to offer that hug or amazing word of comfort. But I don't want to hear it. I don't want anyone to touch me. Just let me stay in my bubble of numbness. I desire to talk about it with everyone, but not for their sympathy. Just to talk. Yet I don't. I haven't even said anything to the love ones who have gone through this same loss. They would understand I have experienced a loss and want a kind ear to hear; not to share, cry, or advise. Just listen. Perhaps I am not dealing with this in a normal way. But I am dealing with it in my way.